Nearly my father's entire family lived in our town growing up. We were among the last to make the migration, completing the move when I was 6. Even so, we lived on the exact opposite side of town from the rest of the family. Literally, as far as you could get without being in a different town. This served to make us kids physical as well as social outcasts, especially me.
Being my grandmother's only male grandchild didn't help me any. I had favorite son status. My sister was outgoing, she asserted herself into the family fold of cousins. I preferred to stay close to the adults. I perceived myself to be the only lonely one.
Little did I know at the time, but my second cousins J and A were/are also gay. I think, had we all known back then, that all of us would have had a better time of it. I know now that A and J had their own struggles, their own redneck fathers to deal with. There were of course signs. A and I used to dance around in just nightshirts (no undies) in our great grandmother's basement when we were 8 and 10, respectively. A, J and I were probably all the most sensitive of our sibling groups. A and J must have known about each other, because they were close growing up. They also lived two houses apart and were first cousins. I had the disadvantage, living miles away and being a second cousin.
When I came out (years after they did), J and I grew closer. I really like J and I'm glad we finally became friends. A friendship I desperately wanted years earlier.
My two best friends in junior high school also ended up being gay. I don't know how or why we didn't figure it out back then. I always read or hear stories about boys and girls experimenting at very young ages. My best friend and I shared a bed several times through 7th and 8th grade and never so much as looked at each other in that way. I don't advocate for experimentation at such a young age, but everyone else was doing it, why not us?
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